Typical!
Posted by: AMY ツ on: October 24, 2009
Dead week is the name given to one of those brilliant days when you have more than multiple deadlines. A regular event in the life of grad students who are incapable of managing time, pushed things to the last minute, have over ambitiously ventured into more than the required number of courses, have some exceptionally affectionate advisor or a subset of this.
The last week of February and last week has brought out in the clear that I somehow fit into one of these categories. The dead week funda has only partially to do with the deadlines.. it is more to do with the state of mind.
The typical day in a dead week. Midnight. Grad Lab. I’m sitting there coding..
—-Good… so far so good….. Maybe I should try coding the next module…. The last bus is only at 1254… I just don’t get it.. How can there be so much more… Let me just do some reading……..
Oh my god !! Its 1 o clock.. I just missed the last bus… I should probably go ahead with this.. this is actually interesting to read..
Sweet, now that I have understood should I start coding… What its 0220 ???? It was 1 o clock some 10 minutes back… I can’t take so long for understanding this stuff… C’mon quick……
Good.. now this should be compiled… Its 0335 ??? Ugh… these procesors should be fast.. they can’t take so long to compile.. and look at the sound…… No.. don’t tell me this wouldn’t compile… Errors in MY code ???
There.. you silly bunch of paranthases.. can’t you just stay in place ??? Ok.. Finally… Zero errors… Way to go.. time to execute it… It can’t be 0400 !!! Fine atleast this one is over.. Wait.. where is this sound from now.. Oh !! my poor wretched stomach… Let me grab something… pop corn ? iced tea ? Hot choclate ??
Let me execute this code… This is silly.. there is no reason it should hang.. Its flawless….. Ohhhhh.. Now I know….. There.. I fixed you, you brainless moron… Now what ??? Why can’t you just run properly….. Its 0450 in the morning and I have better things to do…………
Where am I ???? its 0520 ?? When did I sleep ?? Let me wash my face… I’m getting this done in 20 minutes and taking the first bus at 0545…
Ok.. its 0540.. maybe I should take the next bus.. Just half hour..
0610 ?? Code or the bus ???? Ok.. let me take the 0645… I’m no good if I don’t get this thing working before that..
0640… I think I’m just too sleepy.. Maybe I should sleep some time and try it later…
10th Ave ?? The bus is already here ??? When did I get in… Now stop thinking about the code !!!!
C’mon Arjun your house door doesn’t require the swipe card… Keys.. keys…
Bed…. Where is the alarm clock ??? 0710 to 1010.. Ideal…. Wait.. did I save my code… zzzzzzz…
Its 1040 ??? I need to find a way to disable this snooze button… No way I’m goin’ to be in time for the class at 1115..
Yeah.. maybe what others say is right.. I shouldn’t have come to class if whatever that prof says is goin’ to go over my head…
Let me atleast do this Teaching Assistantship job properly.. Hmm…. I can actually hear what this guy says but why isn’t anything going into my head…
Good.. I did a decent job with these demos.. but its 1600 already… When did I last eat ??? What day is it today ???
Now.. Two more hours with this bird brain and it still can’t execute my program… Give up !!! I think I need to go home to eat something…
Man… I have just 3 quarters.. I’ve got to settle for that Apple pie now.. Why is this vending machine so different… Oh… Steady Arjun… this is a Fridge and you don’t have to use quarters at home…
Maybe I should just close my eyes for a while its just 1920 and I have the whole evening with me…
2140 ????? Oh my god !!! When’s the next bus ?? Why is my head so groggy ??? I shouldn’t have just eaten those ccokies before I slept…
I can see some food in the house.. Plain dhal… Rice.. Curd… I think this is the best meal I have eaten in life… What’s the point in living if I don’t get proper sleep and food..
I should just probably finish that part of the code… Its now 2220.. Here’s the deal… I’m going there to the lab.. finishing that part of the code and taking the last bus home……………………………….
What bothers me more than actual eve teasers somehow, is armchair activists.
There are a zillion people ready to condemn. Most of them well educated, well informed and sensitive human beings. Yet if a girl is being teased on a bus, not one will step forward to help her.
Five scenes that happen a million times a day across the country.
Scene 1:
Location: Bus Stop on a busy road
Scene: Girl standing at the edge of the road, waiting anxiously for a bus. Guys, usually three or four, on bikes ride past slowly singing or saying something mildly to moderately suggestive. They drive past four or five times till they tire of it and leave.
Girl Feels: Angry, embarressed, helpless and extremely uncomfortable
Recommended Action (by society): Ignore them
Reaction of all males in vicinity: Turn a blind eye. Or, common occurance. They didn’d really harm her.
Scene 2:
Location:In a crowded bus/lift
Scene: Girl standing in the bus. Guy standing behind her presses into her and gropes her.
Girl Feels: her space deeply violated, ashamed embarressed and generally abused.
Recommended Action (by society): Ignore. Or in more liberal cases, carry a safety pin.
Reaction of all males in vicinity: If she feels so terrible, ask her to get a scooty. What else can you expect on a crowded bus?
Scene 3:
Location: All Girls school. Classroom opening onto road
Scene: Half a dozen guys on bikes shine mirrors into the room. Reflecting light and making sound.
Girl Feels: Bewildered. Schools are supposed to be safe!
Recommended Action (by society): Ignore them
Reaction of all males in vicinity: what are curtains for? Besides they cant even see the girls!
Scene 4:
Location:Girl walking down a street
Scene: As the girl is walking down, five or six guys stare, pass comments, sing lewd songs and make gestures
Girl Feels:
Recommended Action (by society): Ignore them. Dress better. Don’t walk alone.
Reaction of all males in vicinity: Who said that was for you?
Scene 5:
Location:Movie theatre
Scene: Guy sitting in next seat pretends to be settling down and touches the girl wherever he can.
Girl Feels: Physically Abused
Recommended Action (by society): Switch seats. Thats why you should not sit next to unknown men.
Reaction of all males in vicinity: Genuine mistake. Could happen to anyone! Women are so quick to accuse!
These are the small things that an urban woman with decent means faces. I don’t want to think of what goes on behind closed doors in the name of dowry, children and financial difficulties. I don’t want to think about women who get raped because they were walking down the road after dark. I don’t want to think about husbands who abuse the women they promised to take care of. About Jessica Lall or the Nithari killings.
What I want to ask any male reader is not to comment, concur and agree. I want to ask what they have done when they have seen women be abused before their very eyes.
I’ve lived my life stamping on feet, poking with pins, shoving to the best of my physical ability and shouting.
I’ve had a man grope me when I was 9 in a shopping mall and too young to understand what was happening. Only that I felt ashamed.
I’ve been groped in crowds, approached by strange men when I travelled alone on the train and had people stalk me when I walked to my school 2km away.
I’ve stood up in class and tried to explain to 16 yr old guys how it feels to be a girl and had three or four say they appreciated it.
I shall probably live my life this way.
But you educated, sensitive, physically stronger men. What are you doing?
Know the feeling??
Posted by: AMY ツ on: February 28, 2009
Came across this on my friend’s blog under her favourites and it just has become my favourite as well!
Do you know the feeling that you get when you know that you want to do something and you think that you’re doing the right thing, but at the same time you know that someone is going to be hurt by what you’re doing but you also know that one needs to make a trade off… And you know that by making a tradeoff you might feel some remorse later but you feel that now is not the time to think about what you might feel later or you might just feel bad enough to not do what you feel you should be doing…
So… Do you know that feeling?
If you do, you’re probably female. But if you skipped reading after the first two lines, you’re probably male. 
)
Slumdog Millionaire Won!
Posted by: AMY ツ on: February 28, 2009
It was great that Slumdog Millionaire won the oscars that it did. ARR had to win for sure, though. SM is a good movie, I agree. But was it an awesome movie?!! I don’t think so.
Heh, talk about getting used to more layered and more indulgent Indian movies!
Watch out for these guys!
Posted by: AMY ツ on: February 24, 2009
-Guys who aren’t open books as in not discernable. Evasive and secretive also fit in here. Quick action tip: Talk cryptic!
-Guys who make up cock and bull stories just to prove their point. Quick action tip: Sense blatancy and ignore!
-Guys who always talk sane and happy; they usually are in an unintentional disguise. Quick action tip: Bug them with your worries!
-Guys who always crib about life; they probably would end up sucking you into their unhappiness. Quick action tip: Stop advising!
-Guys who appear candid and out rightly frank but you would usually find them making up some blatant stories; most often they lack conscience. Quick action tip: Let them know and ask them to get lost!
-Guys who are very fickle-minded; can dedicate Katie Perry’s song – Hot N Cold. Quick action tip: Trust me, dump them!
-Guys who are of course MCP’s. Quick action tip: Move on! They will never change.
These pertain to the categories among the guys I met personally so any additions are most welcome!!
Windows Live Writer
Posted by: AMY ツ on: February 23, 2009
Heya ppl! I just downloaded Windows Live Writer and this is the first sample post from it. I am yet to figure out the extensive features that I can virtually see right now. I will post a review about it ASAP.
Whom should I believe??
Posted by: AMY ツ on: February 21, 2009
So the friend about whom I said that she betrayed us, I am in touch with her bf (well, ex-bf now) who was also my classmate back in college. It is through him that I got to know so many things about her I didn’t know before.
He tells me things that are perfectly meant to sabotage her image and yet he tells me that he just wants to let me know as for I am the only one who knows everything about them. But why should I believe whatever he says? Why shouldn’t I think that whatever explanation S has for me is true? After having considered her a friend for all these years, do I owe her atleast that much?
Bah, life! So I started to seek answers to my questions by digging out the facts that I could that her ex-bf told me about, not specifically about S but about certain things that made up his story and guess what, found many to be untrue! For example, meeting someone he said he met, spoke to him about her and gathered some unwarranted information…making a call to a friend of hers with S on the other end of the line and listening to some shocking accusations S had in mind against him, etc. They certainly weren’t true as I knew both those people and it wasn’t hard to get the facts. Now what is the guarantee that the rest of the story he made up (supposedly) is true??
So I realized that its a choice. A choice that I alone can make and decided….IN FAVOUR OF S!
Over and out.
Family reunion ’08 & Met S
Posted by: AMY ツ on: January 4, 2009
Family reunion rocked! All of us met up at Stamford, CT. Finally got to see my sweetheart,R after a looong wait! The whole family simply lovedddd himmmm. He was so adorable that I fell in love with him again when I saw him entering the house with drooping eyes from the long journey of Houston, TX to NJ, NY and then to Stamford, CT. His ruffled hair of a bed head made him look like an extremely innocent baby. The “pure at heart” look! It was also good to see all the uncles, aunts and cousins after long. After all the togetherness that we shared for those 4-5 days, something that was appreciated to let us pull through the tough working schedules of each of our lives, we genuinely decided that we should be meeting atleast once a year from now on. Planning for a cruising vacation to the Caribbean the next time. Can’t wait!!!
Met S yesterday. It was great fun goss’ing about all the college folks and of course the friend who gave a huge shock at the end of last year. She has to be the talk of the any day right now, you see. Dined out and continued talking till a little after midnight when I finally had to bid good bye when I found myself yawning myself to watery eyes.
Well well, it feels so desperate to talk out your heart after such a long time, esp. when one stays with his/her parents most of the time where all they get to do is talk skimpily about work and friends! What life!
University opens tomorrow, the holidays are done and the so-called fun is through.
Good night folks!
Welcome 2009
Posted by: AMY ツ on: January 2, 2009
Long time! The year 2008 has been good. A lot has been dumped. A lot has been learned. I thought the year 2008 would pass into silence but it didn’t! Just before it could end, it bursted a huge shock into mine and many of my friends’ lives. Lots of things unveiled about a really close friend of mine. The two-sided life that she had, went unsuspected totally when we were close. She never gave us a hint about what could be possibly going on in that mind behind the innocent looking face. A girl whom I thought is the most naive of the people I came across. I had to restructure the whole history that we shared. All the inner and superficial meanings that seemed obvious back then are falsified. All the events that we shared needed to be flipped and understood. A different face, a different person, a different relationship defined her altogether. Inspite of knowing her for 5 years, she is now a complete stranger.
Hope its all wrong, hope all my thoughts are baseless, hope someone sinking deep into the quest to understand her better, proves us all wrong. Hope she is the same sweet best friend I had, who loved, cared and cherished the friendship we shared.
Can it be more dubious than this to start a new year?? 
Well, happy new year folks!!
Love means…
Posted by: AMY ツ on: December 11, 2008
I read my friend’s blog about what love means to her. I thought about it and finally decided that there’s just too much I feel about IT to put down in words. Also, I for one believe, Love carries different meaning to each of us. It can only be explained when you are so immersed in it that it’s hard to breathe. Each one has their own definition. Finding your kind of love is hard to do but when you do, Nothing can compare to the sheer joy it brings to your world making it devoid of all it’s darkness. I can never be presumptuous to explain love to another. It would be an endless discussion with no solid conclusion. So, I took a page out of someone else’s book and found a few words that support my version of love.
But before that I’d like to at least have a stab at describing this mysterious phenomenon. Love to Me is ever lasting. All encompassing. Love to me is having someone to depend on and hold onto no matter what. It’s what makes each day worth living knowing you have someone who cares for you and your every need, thought and desire. Love is loving and being loved for each and every smile, tear, habit, fault, mood or word spoken through every situation or inspite of ( whichever the case might be). In short, being understood and accepted. Love is loving unconditionally, and wanting to bring a smile to that face even if it means playing the fool or compromises. Love is knowing that your heart moves around outside which you need to protect from all every sadness. Love is never giving up. Sure, at times it hurts like hell . But that just means that it wasn’t meant to be and it’s time to move on. For when you find the one who Actually loves you, Nothing and no one can change That. It’s like energy flowing from one to another. It may transform in many ways but the love in your heart remains the same. Love is joining your two worlds and making a beautiful world of your own. Love always changes you in unspeakable ways making you a Better person. At times, I have found love to be slightly over rated but then that’s excusable since Love is what makes the world go round and in the end, love is all there is.
And here to drive the point home are a few tid bits courtesy ThinkExist -
“Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.”
“Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.”
“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
“When you smiled you had my undivided attention. When you laughed you had my urge to laugh with you. When you cried you had my urge to hold you. When you said you loved me, you had my heart forever.”
“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
“Every man is afraid of something. That’s how you know he’s in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you.”
“There are four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.”
“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
“Love is not blind; it simply enables one to see things others fail to see.”
“Love is saying ‘I feel differently’ instead of ‘You’re wrong.’”
“True Love burns the brightest, But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.”
“Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.”
“Don’t hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.”
“There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.”
“To love is find pleasure in the happiness of the person loved.”
“There are more people who wish to be loved than there are who are willing to love.”
“When we are in love we seem to ourselves quite different from what we were before.”
“Where there is love there is no sin.”
“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.”
“Love doesn’t grow on trees like apples in Eden – it’s something you have to make. And you must use your imagination too.”
So, what does love mean to You ??
